Tomorrow, much like four years ago, I wake up to a new chapter in my life.  Our company, my dream, Indie Lee & Co becomes a permanent fixture in Henri Bendel’s NYC flagship store.  We unveil its newest, eco-chic look.  Sleek, completely sustainable and dare I say GORGEOUS – proving to the world:  You can be every bit glamorous and stay true to being natural.  Perhaps the cherry on top though is when all of this is revealed tomorrow to the world in a WWD interview (Women’s Wear Daily – the A list of the beauty and fashion world trade publication) on Earth Day, my 4-year tumorversary.  Surreal

This time four years ago, I had made sure I had made amends with those I felt closure hadn’t been achieved. I had said, “I love you” to those that needed to know.  I was lucky; I had time to get my affairs in order. No matter how much I knew my time wasn’t up, I wouldn’t leave the “what ifs” to chance.    Tomorrow was never supposed to be in my vocabulary. Power of Attorneys were signed, Living Wills – Check, Do Not Resuscitate – Check.  Notes to my kids, my family – written, painfully and lovingly written.  No notes like that should ever have to be completed.

Fast-forward four years and the emotion I feel is indescribable.  Not because of a surgical anniversary (I mean, yeah, that is pretty awesome too), but the inspiration each of you reading this has given to me over the past four years as your gift.  You have all played a role in the incredible life I am living.  Some of you may not even know it.  Each day, I re-read different letters, emails, notes sent personally to me.  Each one saved and cherished.  Each review on facebook, our website, etc. held closely to my heart.  The past four years have been lived with purpose, both personally and professionally.

It’s funny; I wasn’t really sure what I would write today.  The truth is I think about my life and mortality every day. There isn’t one day over the past four years that I haven’t been grateful for.  I can close my eyes as I do now and remember so many moments, not just the major “events”, but the “every days”.  Each one creating an indelible memory that I don’t want to lose ever.  Even the not so fabulous memories…I take them all and cherish them.  These are my life; these are what I want to define me.

So after writing the above it does become clear.  Up until my diagnosis, I knew what the word life meant.  I knew the word passion.  I just didn’t understand the concept of living passionately.  I can assure you, today I do. I encourage you all to stop, really stop and take stock.  Make sure you are living with passion and passionately living.  Surround yourself with people that raise you up, that fill your life, heart and soul with passion.  As I often say, tomorrow isn’t promised and this ain’t no dress rehearsal.  While there are days that life doesn’t feel so good, the point is you are feeling.  That is what I’ve learned the journey is all about.  Life is meant to be experienced to the fullest in each moment.

And yet, for me – the best is yet to come, I KNOW IT. I’m not sure what it looks like, but I am so excited for it.  I know so many changes are still to come, but for right now I am going to enjoy the present moment…Surreal.

With love and the deepest gratitude,

Indie

The post Indie Lee’s purposeful life appeared first on Act Three.

Act Three: The Book

Act Three Founder, Julie Shifman, questions expert Act Three career coach Carole Haper on her best interviewing tips.

1)    What is the best way to prepare for an interview?

1.  Research the company.  Find out what do they do (really try to get an understanding of this in more than a general way, perhaps by finding some articles about the industry). Discover who their top competitors are and what differentiates the company from their competitors. Go to their website to become familiar with their Mission Statement.
2. Go to LinkedIn and review the professional bios of everyone you may meet.    Write down anything that may connect you on a personal level, perhaps the person went to your college or has the same hobby as you. Check if you have any connections in common.  If so, and if the person is a close connection, you could mention that in the interview and even ask the close connection to follow-up with a reference after the interview (if appropriate).
3. Research salary and compensation rates; it’s important to know what you are worth.
4. Develop a set of questions to ask the interviewer, i.e., what qualifications are you looking for in your ideal candidate?  What would success look like in this role?  What’s it like to work here?  Please describe the organizational culture, etc.  (For a list of other pertinent questions you may want to ask…see below).
5. Draft and practice your introduction.  If you are returning to the workforce after a long break, it is particularly important to draft a reason.
6. Practice answering the tough interview questions. Be prepared to articulate and describe your skills, abilities, and key strengths (including examples where you made a positive impact).

2)    How should someone follow up after the interview?

Always follow up with a written thank you letter, indicating that you continue to be excited about the opportunity and restating key points that illustrate specifics in your background and experience that would be a strong match for the position and for the current organizational needs.

3)    If the interview didn’t go we’ll, is there anything you can do to rectify?

I recommend addressing issues of concern in your follow up thank you letter, particularly, if you forgot to mention something about your background or experience that would be pertinent to the discussion.

4)    How should I dress?

I generally recommend asking what the dress code for the day will be.  If it is business formal, I recommend a black, navy, or grey suit or pant suit with a white blouse and appropriate accessories.  Avoid excessive jewelry, dangling earrings, bracelets, multiple rings on fingers, perfume, heavy makeup, bright nail polish.  If it’s business casual, ask for a definition or description.  Another option would be to ask the HR rep what the person with whom you are interviewing will most likely be wearing.

5)    Any don’ts? I just had one woman executive tell me that she hates when women put their handbag on her desk during interviews. She thinks it shows bad manners. That would never have occurred to me as a “don’t.”

I actually recommend that women do not take their handbag to an interview.  It’s a security issue, and should you take a tour, it’s awkward to carry.  Rather, tuck your keys and driver’s license into your business portfolio.  Don’t arrive late.  Don’t leave your cell phone on . . . a major no-no!  Don’t bring your children to the interview and leave them in the lobby.  Don’t put anything on the desk of the interviewer without asking permission first.  Don’t cross your legs; keep both feed planted on the floor, and crossed at the ankle, if necessary.  Don’t lean back in the chair, rather sit up straight and lean forward (attentive stance) indicating that you are ready to engage in the interview discussion.

6)    Any other words of advice, for example, get there 15 minutes early so you have time to freshen up?

Yes, arrive 15 minutes early, but don’t announce yourself until five minutes before the appointment time. Scan the environment for pictures / mission statements that you can reference. Always treat the administrative assistant with respect and courtesy, as your interactions may be reported verbatim to senior management.  Research traffic patterns (rush hour is different than weekend); do a dry run if necessary; identify parking options (use Google maps for virtual view).  Bring at least two additional copies of your resume, your list of questions, a list of references (all in a business portfolio that includes a professional looking pen).  Be prepared to provide a firm handshake and appropriate eye contact during introductions. And remember, the goal is to build strong rapport because the candidate they liked best often gains the offer!

7)    When you practice interviewing with Act Three clients, what do you do? Is practice helpful?

I do interviewing practice with our clients across the country.  We do this by SKYPE or even phone.  When trying anything that isn’t something you do on a regular basis, practice can be incredibly helpful.  If you can’t work with a career coach, ask a friend to practice with you.  As a coach, I work with candidates to create verbal scripts to introduce themselves (“90 second commercials”) and to handle sensitive questions; role play tough interview questions; conduct mock interviews; debrief following the interview; and develop negotiating strategies. Lack of confidence is the number one reason interviewees are eliminated, and candidates consistently report that working with a coach dramatically increases their confidence!

Other questions you may want to ask in an interview:

Your time to ask questions during an interview is important and you shouldn’t use it to ask questions that you can easily find the answers to with a Google search. By picking only a few, but carefully selected questions, you avoid being overly assertive or claiming too much time.

1. How would I exceed your expectations on a short-term basis, say in the first 30-60- days on the job?

This question shows your genuine interest in making a difference. You want to be effective from day one and hit the ground running. It indicates initiative and preparation, which are both very important in the employer’s decision of whom to hire. The answer hopefully also gives you more in-depth knowledge about the tasks and challenges you’ll be facing in your first couple of months.

2. Tell me what really drives long term result for your company.

This question shows, again, initiative to be part of what really matters and an interest in knowing how to positively affect the bottom line. You are looking to be an asset to the company, not another liability on the payroll. The best job candidates want to know how they can truly matter in an organization. They want to succeed and they know they will succeed only if the company does. The question also shows that you see this as a long-term opportunity.

3. Describe the qualities and characteristics of your very best employees. 

By asking this question you’ll hopefully get a good idea of what the employer values in their top performers. Is it that they are always available, is it their ability to solve problems creatively? The answer will give you a pretty good idea of what you need to do to succeed in this organization. Do you have what it takes? Are you willing to give what it takes?

4. How would you describe your company culture and your employees?  

It’s important for you to fit in, both in the organization and among its employees. This question shows you value having this knowledge beforehand accepting a job offer. Great candidates usually have the luxury of deciding whether the company is a good fit for them and a question like this shows integrity and sincerity.

5. Is there anything about myself, my skills, or my background that you would like me to clarify?

Make sure they know everything they need to know to hire you. “Is there any reason you wouldn’t hire me?” would be a straightforward and uncompromising way to ask this question, and it may be appropriate under certain circumstances (and if you dare!) Your last question is perhaps your last opportunity to dismiss any doubts that the employer has about you. Finding out what might be a liability on your part gives you the chance to address it. Once you get up and leave the interview, you’re not likely to get that chance back.

Check out the Act Three Book to help you create the life you want

http://www.actthree.com/act-three-the-book

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 All of us are motivated by different things. I may be motivated by something that holds absolutely no interest to you; you may be driven by something that I never think about. In order to live the life you want, it is important to both 1) recognize what motivates you and 2) determine how strong that motivation is. Without strong motivation, it’s hard to push yourself to do what needs to be done on the path to your third act.

Imagining something different for the third act of your life—and then actually accomplishing it—is not an easy task: it’s the equivalent of pushing a heavy boulder up a hill. It takes hard work and constant pushing to sustain your forward momentum. But if you don’t feel strongly motivated to  achieve your third-act goal, it’s quite likely you will give up when change gets difficult or uncomfortable—and it will. Well, really, my life seems just fine as it is, you’ll tell yourself.

Woman pushing boulder up hill

Here’s how one woman describes being stuck with the status quo:

I feel smart, well read, and interesting (most of the time). I think I could do anything, but I just don’t know what the price will be, so I allow predictability and complacency to rule. Maybe I’m too risk-averse to start over, or maybe I will wait till when my kids are settled, perhaps married. Then, I will feel free to reach for something new. Until then, I am not unhappy, just always aware that I’m sacrificing some greater potential.

See how easily we can get caught in the trap of saying, “I’ll figure this out later”? We do this when our motivation is not strong enough to override our complacency.

What kinds of motivation have that power? To keep you inspired and moving, you have to make sure that your motivation is 100 percent authentic. As you identify the specific motivations that drive you,  you must dig deep and look honestly at yourself.

Aspiring to a motivation that you don’t really have will only lead you toward failure and frustration. For example, some people are motivated very strongly to make a difference in the world. You may think, “That’s a worthy motivation—I should be motivated by that, too.” but in reality, you aren’t. Again, in order for this to be effective, you must be truthful to yourself.

So what motivates you?  Take out a piece of paper and make a list.

And then, how strongly do you feel about these motivations.  The sustainability of your motivation is important, too. Many women in my survey answered that sometimes they feel the urge to change and other times they don’t. We all know that feeling. When a friend gets an incredible new job, you begin to examine your own life and may get a sudden burst of ambition, but then it wavers. If you struggle with constantly wavering levels of motivation, it’s critical that you follow put yourself on a set plan. When your motivation is lagging, you’ll be able to use the plan to keep your forward momentum going.

Look At Your Motivation List and Rate How strongly you feel about it.  Those that are rated the strongest are the ones you need to pay attention to.

The post Why Motivation Matters appeared first on Act Three.

woman pushing boulder

(Excerpted from my book Act Three: Create the life you want)

All of us are motivated by different things. I may be motivated by something that holds absolutely no interest to you; you may be driven by something that I never think about. In order to live the life you want, it is important to both 1) recognize what motivates you and 2) determine how strong that motivation is. Without strong motivation, it’s hard to push yourself to do what needs to be done on the path to your third act.

Imagine that you decide to push a heavy boulder up a hill. You want to do it because you think it will look much prettier at the top of the hill. As you start to push the boulder, you feel engaged in the project and quite excited. And you push really hard to make that boulder move forward and up, inch by inch. But as soon as you stop pushing, it rolls back down the hill little bit. Eventually you get tired and start thinking, Why am I pushing this heavy boulder up the hill? It’s harder than I thought. In fact, I really don’t care whether this stupid boulder is at the top of the hill! It looks just fine right where it is. And so you give up.

Clearly, your motivation—that the boulder would look pretty at the top of the hill—was far too weak. Your drive to reach your goal was outweighed by the difficulty of the task at hand. And when motivation is too weak, it is very easy to give up. If, instead, you were moving the boulder to the top of the hill to be rolled down upon charging armies that were about to wipe out your village, your motivation would be stronger—it would be a matter of life and death. You would push with all your strength for as long as it took until the bolder was pushed to the top of the hill. Strong motivation can overcome the difficulty of almost any task.

Imagining something different for the third act of your life—and then actually accomplishing it—is not an easy task: it’s the equivalent of pushing that heavy boulder up a hill. It takes hard work and constant pushing to sustain your forward momentum. But if you don’t feel strongly motivated to  achieve your third-act goal, it’s quite likely you will give up when change gets difficult or uncomfortable—and it will. Well, really, my life seems just fine as it is, you’ll tell yourself.

Here’s how one woman describes being stuck with the status quo:

I feel smart, well read, and interesting (most of the time). I think I could do anything, but I just don’t know what the price will be, so I allow predictability and complacency to rule. Maybe I’m too risk-averse to start over, or maybe I will wait till when my kids are settled, perhaps married. Then, I will feel free to reach for something new. Until then, I am not unhappy, just always aware that I’m sacrificing some greater potential.

See how easily we can get caught in the trap of saying, “I’ll figure this out later”? We do this when our motivation is not strong enough to override our complacency.

So what kinds of motivation have that power? To keep you inspired and moving, you have to make sure that your motivation is 100 percent authentic. As you identify the specific motivations that drive you,  you must dig deep and look honestly at yourself.

Aspiring to a motivation that you don’t really have will only lead you toward failure and frustration. For example, some people are motivated very strongly to make a difference in the world. You may think, “That’s a worthy motivation—I should be motivated by that, too.” but in reality, you aren’t. Again, in order for this to be effective, you must be truthful to yourself.

The sustainability of your motivation is important, too. Many women in my survey answered that sometimes they feel the urge to change and other times they don’t. We all know that feeling. When a friend gets an incredible new job, you begin to examine your own life and may get a sudden burst of ambition, but then it wavers. If you struggle with constantly wavering levels of motivation, it’s critical that you follow put yourself on a set plan. When your motivation is lagging, you’ll be able to use the plan to keep your forward momentum going.

The post Why Motivation Matters appeared first on Act Three.

Tierney stresses, that to be truly successful in achieving our goals, we must first recognize an important concept…that willpower  (which we all know we need to achieve our goals), goes away as you use it, meaning it’s not unlimited.   I know I never thought about willpower that way, that we have only a certain amount of it to use each day…kind of like the gas in our cars.  We use it up as we exert self- control and deny ourselves things.  Each time we avoid screaming at the guy who cuts us off in traffic, our willpower gas tank goes down.  Each time we walk past the donut shop without stopping in, our willpower gas tank goes down.  Once the willpower tank is dry, there goes our self control and our plan to stick to our resolution.

Tierney cites studies that show that people with the best self control are those who use their willpower less often.  Instead of fending off one urge after another, they set up their lives to minimize temptation so that they don’t have to use their willpower.    Playing offense instead of defense.

Here are Tierney’s  suggestions for limiting the amount of willpower required.

• Set a single clear goal-not “I will lose weight” or “I will eat healthier” as these are way too vague- but “I will lose a pound a week” or “I will eat two servings a vegetables a day”.
• Limit to one big resolution at a time.  Quitting smoking and losing weight at the same time is too muchchange
• Precommit to how you will achieve your goal without using as much willpower: if you spend too much money, precommit to go shopping with only cash, if you are trying to lose weight, precommit to only drink one glass of wine or to walk three times a week
• Outsource  self control, twitter posts, accountability buddy, stikkk.com.  it’s really hard to do it on your own.
• Keep track; self monitoring is critical.  There is a reason food journals work.  Or money journals (studies showed that once people started monitoring their spending, it decreased).
• Don’t overreact to a lapse; one reason dieters fail is scientifically called “counter regulatory eating” (what we call in laymen’s terms “what the hell”).  Once the day’s diet is blown they might just as well totally blow out eat and eat the whole carton of ice cream doing far more damage than the original lapse.
• Tomorrow is another taste: in a study using M&M’s,  people that told themselves they could have the M&M’s tomorrow had a much easier time resisting than those that told themselves they could never have
• Reward often: use your sacrifice to gain something you want.  Earmark some savings from quitting smoking to buying a new dress.  Kids who seem unable to pay attention in school can focus for hours on a video game that gives them constant rewards for reaching levels.

So as you set your News Year’s resolutions, I suggest going through each of Tierney’s strategies and seeing how you can make that strategy work for you.  Here’s to achieving your goals in the New Year.

The post Make Your New Year’s resolutions stick appeared first on Act Three.

Julie petrified ziplining

Why would I even consider putting such a terrible picture of me online for all the world to see?  Because it’s a great example of me working to get in “Change Shape.”   I wrote an entire chapter in my book about this concept but here is a quick explanation of why you should be working to get in change shape also.

I like to push out of my comfort zone, scare myself just a little on a pretty regular basis.   I call this regular jolt of adrenaline, “Getting in Change Shape”. When you’re regularly exercising the muscles it takes to go through change, you can get yourself ready to handle almost anything.

Handling major change with grace and ease is kind of like becoming a runner. Would you just wake up one day and say, “I think I’ll run 26.2 miles today”?  Of course not. You would start training for the marathon months in advance, starting with shorter distances and gradually getting in shape.  Each week you would feel stronger and better able to tackle the big race.

Getting ready to handle major change that you seek (like a new job) or that gets thrown your way (a divorce), is a lot like that. You have to be in shape. And the best training regimen, just like with running, starts with those shorter distances, or in this case small challenges. Constantly tackling small challenges that take you out of your comfort zone builds the muscle (or capacity) for handling the big race or the major change.

George Kourounis the host of the TV Series the Angry Planet spends much of his times chasing tornadoes, diving with sharks and climbing into volcanoes.  When asked how he is able to do this, how he deals with the fear, he explains that you overcome fear with conditioning, gradually exposing yourself and learning to deal with it.  Sounds to me like a testament for my theory of Getting in Change Shape.

I have written before about some of my small challenges to get in Change Shape, like taking ballet class with the professional dancers of Cincinnati ballet or taking a writing class with the writers of the NY Times.

Well, last week I was vacationing in Costa Rica with my husband and two of our closest friends.  Ziplining, one of the top attractions  sounded like great fun to the guys… not so much to me. To do it, you are driven by a tractor high into the hills of Costa Rica and  hooked  onto a cable.  Then you  zoom off a platform that is 100 feet in the air, (literally on the top of the trees), and land on another platform still 100 feet in the air.  And then you repeat this all over the forest until you finally end up on the last zip down on the ground. To say I was scared is an understatement.  I’m not crazy about being 100 feet up in the trees, I’m not crazy about how zooming fast you go and the worst of all, it was raining as hard as you can possibly imagine during this entire hour so I was being pelted by rain that felt like daggers hitting my face.  Doesn’t sound like fun does it?  And it really, really wasn’t.  But, I didn’t bail out (you could half way through) and I’m glad I pushed myself a little past my comfort zone.  I proved to myself that I could handle it and got a little more in Change Shape.

I heard Stephen Sondheim being interviewed by Terry Gross on 2/16/2012.  He told her that what he learned most from Leonard Bernstein was that if you were going to fall you might as well fall from the highest rung as compared to the lowest.  Either way you end up falling but if you succeed, you’ll be at the top.

Excellent advice for us all.

The post Yes, I was as scared as I look appeared first on Act Three.

We know that what we focus on and pay attention to becomes our reality- well focusing on gratitude makes us much happier.  So we need to focus much more on what we are grateful for.

Take out a piece of paper and write at the top “My Gratitude Journal” then spend a few minutes  writing as fast as you can all the things you have to be grateful for.  Was that hard at all to do?  Did you fail to come up with anything?  Of course not.  We all have a lot to be grateful for.

My assignment for you is to keep this journal at the side of your bed and every Sunday night just as you are about to go to sleep, right down three things that you were grateful for that week.  Isn’t that a wonderful way to go to sleep with visions of all this good stuff.  Don’t worry if you can’t come up with three new things each week, if you are grateful for your loving spouse each week, then mention it.

Why only once a week.  Well scientifically any more than that and it can become perfunctory and therefore lose its meaning.  But by all means if you want to do more often, do, just make sure you do at least once a week.

Even better than thinking about gratitude is spreading it around by paying a gratitude visit.  Start by remembering someone that changed your life in a good direction, and who you never properly thanked. I hope all of you have such a person.Take a piece of paper and write at the top Dear ____________.  Then write a letter to that person about how they changed your life.  Then go visit them and read the letter.  And what when you do this happens is when people are tested one week later after that make a gratitude visit, a month later even three months later, they’re both happier and less depressed.

and the reason I call this happiness catcher, Make Dad Smile, is that for my father’s 80th b-day, I wrote him a gratitude letter (that I called, “The Things I learned From You.”  then I went to Florida and read it to him.  and yes, it really did make him smile…and me too.

We seem to have no problem complaining but for some reason expressing gratitude is hard.  We need to switch that ratio, for every complaint you make, you need two expressions of gratitude.  It’s even fun to do this with your kids.  Make this a rule.  If they complain, they have to come up with two things they are grateful for.

Now, You’ve heard two of my Happiness Catchers. .  Perform Random Acts of Kindness Every Day and Practice Conscious Gratitude.

The post Happiness Catcher-Number Two-Practice Conscious Gratitude appeared first on Act Three.

Instructions:  below are a number of statements about happiness.  Please indicate how much you agree or disagree with each statement entering a number alongside it according to this scale

1:sternly disagree        2:moderately disagree             3:slightly disagree

4: slightly agree           5: moderately agree     6:strongly agree

_____ 1. I feel particularly pleased with the way I am.

_____ 2. I am intensely interested in other people.

_____ 3. I feel that life is very rewarding.

_____ 4. I have very warm feelings towards almost everyone.

_____ 5. I rarely wake up feeling tired.

_____  6. I’m particularly optimistic about the future.

_____ 7. I find most things amusing.

_____ 8. I am always committed and involved.

_____ 9. Life is good.

_____ 10. I think that the world is a good place.

_____ 11. I laugh a lot.

_____ 12. I am well satisfied with everything in my life.

_____ 13. I think I look attractive.

_____ 14. There isn’t a gap between what I would like to do and what I have done.

_____ 15. I am very happy.

_____ 16. I find beauty in some things.

_____ 17. I always have a cheerful effect on others.

_____ 18. I can find time for everything I want to do.

_____ 19. I feel that I’m especially in control of my life.

_____ 20. I feel able to take anything on.

_____ 21. I feel fully mentally alert.

_____ 22. I often experience joy and elation.

_____ 23. I find it easy to make a decision.

_____ 24. I have a particular sense of meaning and purpose in my life.

_____ 25. I feel I have a great deal of energy.

_____ 26. I usually have a positive influence on events.

_____ 27. I have fun with other people.

_____28. I feel particularly healthy.

_____ 29. I have particularly happy memories of the past.

HOW TO CALCULATE YOUR SCORE:

Step One: Add up all the scores for the 29 items.

Step Two: Divide the total by 29

Your total happiness score is ___                   Date: ________________

Your total happiness score is ___                   Date: ________________

Your total happiness score is ___                   Date: ________________

Your total happiness score is ___                   Date: ________________

The post How Happy Are You? appeared first on Act Three.

Instead, Franklin urges us to become active participants in our own happiness.  Clearly, if we are going to catch something, we have to actively go after it, we can’t just sit back passively and wait for it to come to us.

So how do you “catch happiness.”   Luckily for us we don’t have to figure this out for ourselves as a huge amount of psychological research has gone into this question over the last few decades.  Before that, happiness was the subject for poets or philosophers.  But, in the last few decades, it’s actually become the realm of science.

Very influential people like Daniel Kahneman widely regarded as the world’s most influential living psychologist, who won the Nobel prize and Martin Seligman  the founder of Positive Psychology, spend their time thinking and researching about what makes us happy.  And I will share with you one of the things I’ve learned from studying all this science because don’t we all want to be happier.

I have created my top five ways to be happier, what I call my “happiness catchers.” My top choice out of these five, is to Perform Random Acts of Kindness.

There are three parts of this happiness catcher 1) it has to be an act of kindness 2) it must be random and 3) you must do it each day.

The first, an act of kindness, I don’t have to tell you what that is.

Second, the act has to be random.  Why does it have to be random?  Apparently if you do the same act of kindness each day it becomes rote and you don’t get the most happiness bang for your buck.  So you can’t give the same few bucks to the same homeless guy.   Instead, one day you help your elderly neighbor, the next day you give change to the person in front of you at the grocery.

Finally, the act of kindness has to be every day. There is a reason we tell our kids to practice the piano every day, not intermittently, not just when they feel like it, nope every day.  That’s because with practice it gets ingrained or habituated.   And knowing that you need to do this every day has a side benefit. It causes you to actively seek out opportunities to be kind which automatically makes you a kinder person.  Think about how different your day would be if you had the mindset of always looking to do an act of kindness.  Think about what the world would be like if we all did this.

So as we head into the hectic holiday season, take a moment each day to perform a random act of kindness.  You’ll make the world a better place and be happier for it.

By the way, if you want to know what my other 4 happiness catchers are, feel free to email me at julieshifman@actthree.com and I will send them to you.

Benjamin Franklin

The post Franklin Says We have to Catch Happiness-Here’s One Way appeared first on Act Three.

Handling major change with grace and ease is kind of like becoming a runner. Would you just wake up one day and say, “I think I’ll run 26.2 miles today”?  Of course not. You would start training for the marathon months in advance, starting with shorter distances and gradually getting in shape.  Each week you would feel stronger and better able to tackle the big race.

Getting ready to handle major change that you seek (like a new job) or that gets thrown your way (a divorce), is a lot like that. You have to be in shape. And the best training regimen, just like with running, starts with those shorter distances, or in this case small challenges. Constantly tackling small challenges that take you out of your comfort zone builds the muscle (or capacity) for handling the big race or the major change.

George Kourounis the host of the TV Series the Angry Planet spends much of his times chasing tornadoes, diving with sharks and climbing into volcanos.  When asked how he is able to do this, how he deals with the fear, he explains that you overcome fear with conditioning, gradually exposing yourself and learning to deal with it.  Sounds to me like a testament for my theory of Getting in Change Shape.

In the next blog, I will give my five tips for getting in Change Shape.  But I also wanted to explain how these small challenges can help you to discover new things about yourself.

While taking the ballet class with the professional dancers, I discovered exactly how fear can physically hold you back.  A pirouette (the ballet name for a turn) takes momentum to get around.    So to get up enough momentum, you have to really go for the turn. You can’t just creep into it.  Well, I was scared in the class, scared of looking stupid.  And because I was scared, I was tentative in trying to do the turn. Tentative is the exact opposite of momentum.  Guess what happened, I couldn’t do the turn and ended up looking stupid, just what I was afraid of.

And for those of you who struggle to picture my ballet lesson, that same life lesson occurred to me on one of my other recent small challenges, skiing a double black diamond mogul run.  This challenge didn’t involve the fear of looking stupid, this challenge involved overcoming actual fear for my physical safety.  As I was looking down at that mogul run, I knew that to be successful, I had to be aggressive, but I was really scared. I sidled into the first turn too tentatively and boom, hit the ground hard.  I decided “well, if I’m going to fall either way, I might as well go for it.”  I not only made it down, I took the chairlift up and skied that same run again.

I heard Stephen Sondheim being interviewed by Terry Gross on 2/16/2012.  He told her that what he learned most from Leonard Bernstein was that if you were going to fall you might as well fall from the highest rung as compared to the lowest.  Either way you end up falling but if you succeed, you’ll be at the top.

Excellent advice for us all.

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